Getting to know myself.

As the training hours get longer and longer, and I spend more time biking and swimming without music, I've been getting to know myself pretty well. When I run, I usually have my ipod with me (except in races; I tend to do those music-free). But, that's just not feasible when I'm on the bike or in the water. And even with the headphones on, I'm still by myself.

That means I spend a lot of time alone. Inside my own head. Which, while it can be a wonderful, sparkly magic place, it can also be a terrifyingly dark, twisted place. A place where I fantasize about food and dry socks and taking a nap and petting the cats. Or, on occasion, killing Debi for talking me into all this. Or setting fire to my saddle so it knows the pain my hoo-ha is feeling. Or just sitting down on the side of the road and crying because all I want to do is stop.

It's not that I'm hating every minute of this. That's not even close to true. I am enjoying myself. I've gotten used to pretty much not having a life outside of my job and workouts. But sometimes - just sometimes, no particular time, no particular reason - I just want this all to be over. I just want to be able to get up on a Saturday morning, have a cup of coffee, and go for a run only if I feel like it. To go for a bike ride just for the hell of it. To lie on the side of the pool and not do laps. To come home from work, eat dinner, and just talk to my husband.

I don't want to come across as whiny. I know I got myself in to this. And really, I have it pretty good. My husband is unbelievably supportive, as is my work. My boss goes running with me usually at least once a week during lunch. I have no children to take care of. I can't even imagine trying to do this with kids. As it is, I can pretty much work my life around my workouts without having to give up too much, and at this point, it's finally starting to seem real.

Oh, and on a completely different note, I placed 2nd in my age group at the Physical Therapy Plus Olympic distance Triathlon last month.  (Once again, that seems much more impressive if you don't know there were only 3 people in my age group) No pictures as my trusty photographer was in Pennsylvania at the time.